...figure this one out...

BAAAHHH!!!!

I'm so frustrated!!!

I don't even know where to start. Sometimes I feel like being a musician means saying "yes" to every gig, every musical opportunity, and every chance I have at furthering my "musical career" even if it means bending over backward and completely burning myself out. I seems like my professors, and even sometimes church musicians, just keeping wanting more and more and more from me and expecting higher and higher and higher quality work. Is that the way the world works? Should I not be surprised in the least? I can't handle trying to live up to everyone else's standards of me and not my own. Can't I do things my way for once?

Ok, here's the back story:
I love choir. I always have. It's an important part of my life, past and present. Even though sometimes I begrudgingly attend practices, overall I enjoy the feeling of being a part of a whole sound created by individual voices. Sometimes I even feel swept away by the power of so many voices working towards a common musical goal. It is a feeling I cannot find anywhere else. Please keep this in mind for the next few sentences or so.
It just so happens that this upcoming year, my last one in an undergraduate program, I have major conflicts with my choir class. You see, I love music and it is a big part of my life; but it would be far from the truth to say it is the only part of my life. Last January I applied for the position of Resident Assistant in my favorite dorm on campus and was accepted (yay!). However, the accompanying training seminar for R.A.s (Resident Assistant Training Seminar or R.A.T.S.) occurs every Tuesday during choir time (430-600ish). [side bar: choir is Monday, Tuesday, Thursday from about 430 to 600] I contacted my choir director and told him of the conflict, and he replied that we would "chat" about it at another time, "chat" being one of his favorite words (he's Brazilian, not that that really has anything to do with anything). A few weeks later, an election was held to find the best representative from each academic department to be in Student Senate. Well, guess who was elected Music Senator? That's right, yours truly. Which, by the way, I was not even on the ballot so that's saying something. I was once again overjoyed until I realized that senate meets on Thursdays during choir time. Oh dang, now I'm really in a pickle. I can't rightly be a part of choir by only attending one class a week - that probably wouldn't even grant me a credit. However, I know that the professor was really counting on me to be a part of the choir and it breaks my heart that I can't be there for him. I just feel like it's not fair for me to only be there a part of the time. I feel like it's all just a mess... I know God will work it all out, but it's just tough in the mean time.
Prayer, anyone?